Middle School Bully

[gerby]

Good morning, I hope this is the right spot to ask a ‘Quesht’.
I overheard a parent @ Bjj talking about how his oldest son (about 12 years old and trains Bjj ) is being bullied at his school. I’m not too sure about the specifics of the bullying but I believe it’s daily and on going. The parent didn’t really know how to fix the issue but heard him even trying to get some of his sons friends from Bjj to look out for his son. I am Wondering how people deal with this type stuff in a modern day world. I was going to tell him to have one of the other kids stick up for his son and nip it in the butt. I believe by having parents intervene it would make it worse on the kid who’s bullied, depending on circumstances. They all train Bjj and the bully does not. Age10-12
Wondering anyone’s thoughts
Cheers

[mynewunit]

This has been answered in the first 2 Way of the Warrior kids book.  

The answer for a bully is not have someone else intervene. That is a good stop gap. The third party is only effective if the bully doesn't think anyone is seeing what he is doing. 

There are 2 side to the bully. The first is the "victim". You fix the victim by giving him tools. If the victim understands how to handle a verbal altercation and physical altercation, then the victim can understand how to progress through the altercation. Then you need to clearly define the "rules of engagement". Use words till words don't work. Use authorities until authorities don't work. Use aggression, physicality, force, and violence to the minimal extent required to be effective.

Bullies don't exist in a vacuum. There is something to why the bully is a bully and why they are choosing their victim. I don't expect 12 year old's to analyse this like Jordan Peterson. I have given my kids 2 tools for their tool box. One concept is to tear you sandwich in half. Bullies can just want to be included. If you can include them or share, that can change the dynamic. The other tool is to ask why.  If the bully is doing something, like flicking ears. You can ask why. Often bullies want attention. Giving the attention without the interaction can diffuse a situation. Also, it will require the bully to analyze their behavior. Does the bully know why? I don't think the bully will say "because my affirm me", but it might give him some pause.

I will dig a little and see if there are any good clips from the Pod to add. 

[gerby]

That makes sense, I’ll dig a little more and digest what you said. I figured to have a parent intervene would make it worse as well. Thanks for the reply I will relay the information. That should be more than enough to start with, I’ll just mention to the parent I have a few ways to deal with the bully if he wants to try them.
Cheers