Ethics of violence: should you stop a barfight?

[burningdaylight]

Recently my friends and I were drinking and dancing in a bar. Suddenly two guys dropped into the middle of the dance floor facing each other. Everybody in range got as far back as possible and it was clear that these two guys are going for a hostile bare knuckle fight. The bigger dude had an open wound on his eyebrow, so some fighting has already taken place. Before the first punch of the new fight session landed, I jumped between them with my arms spread and told them to stop. The weaker guy took the hint, but the bigger dude was pushing, so I turned against him and repeatedly told him that it is not worth it and that he should let it go. It was obvious that everybody, me included was drunk. Finally the situation de-escalated, the big guy went and sought treatment for his eyebrow and the dancing continued.

However, two of my oldest and most cherished friends took me aside and told me that it was not cool to stop a fight between two adult men. They told me basically:

1. It was none of my business
2. Because of me their conflict, whatever it was, didn't get resolved and that I basically blueballed the entire situation 
3. That because I was smaller than both of them, I got myself into unnecessary danger

I was very hurt to find this sentiment in my most cherished friends and I tried to argue with the things that I learned about peacekeeping missions, namely:

1. Usually the two parties inadvertently lash out at each other in a cycle of unproportional escalation (this is compounded by alcohol in case of a barfight)
2. Even if one party decides that peace is preferable to fighting, they are usually precluded from any de-escalation by fear of "losing face"
3. In such a situation even a weaker neutral power can step in and act as a peacemaker such that the both parties can safely de-escalate, while simultaneously saving their face

I tried to explain it to my friends, but they just insisted that I was somehow against violence and being a dick in general.

So, my question is, should you step in to prevent or stop violence between two parties who are voluntarily engaged in it?

[mynewunit]

I think this is an interesting topic. Your buddies have a point, and I would say that is my standard operating procedure. If 2 guys are "fixing to throw down" I don't want to put myself into that mix. There is context, backstory and a desire to both parties. If I don't know that context, basically if I don't know the 2 parties, it is a dangerous situation.

That being said, I am with you. The perfect example would be the locker room fight. If you know everyone on your hockey, football, or whatever team and things start to escalate, the detached party can intervene. You know who was playing selfish, who is being a jerk, state the facts, let them know we all see what is going on. A punch or two aren't going to change those things.

I have been the guy to deescalate situation, but it was literally my job. I have been the crowd control team member who was to go stop that situation.

You are correct in your psychological profile of the situation. Typically all it takes is to give one party permission to leave the altercation. Use this sparingly. A better answer is to stop the situation before it starts or in a way where they don't know you are doing it. Apologizing to a guy for getting his drink order wrong, that he didn't order. Telling him his car is getting towed or ticketed. Don't you remember playing hockey together in middle school. You look like a fool or confused and it provides a lull in the fight process. Then starting the fight up again is too much work. The guy who was about to have a fight and then had the most confusing 3 minute conversation thinks tonight is just going poorly.

You can stop a fight every now and then. Just try to keep it holstered as much as possible.

[gkieser92]

I would not break up a fight between two strangers. My mission in self defense is defense of SELF and those under my responsibility. As a husband and father, the stakes of violence are way too high. There are also too many stories of "heroes" coming in and inadvertently interfering with plainclothes police or supporting the criminal actor just as a victim gains the upper hand. I've dealt with that myself, with emotionally disturbed youth trying to get bystanders to assault their guardians by yelling that they were being kidnapped. Even female domestic violence victims will turn against you in court because their sweet boo "didn't do nuffin".

You also nevet know when something with escalate way out of control. Google "Jeremy Christisn MAX stabbing" for an incident from my neck of the woods.

Jocko preaches checking egos and focusing on the mission. Unless you are a cop or paid security, breaking up strangers fights is not your mission.