found out the right side of my heart...

[Mark]

is enlarged... i was born with a narrowed pulmanary valve..and a deformed tricusped valve. i had two corrective surgeries at 18mnths and 4 years old.

when i visted my new cardiologist yesterday he said the reason so many cardiologists had handballed me untill i came to him was because my situation is fairly uncommon. he said most babies born like me back then didnt see adult hood. he said the surgeon that did my second procedure was a rock star. so thank you Roger Mee.

because both of my dicky valvesare leaking back into the heart and are both on the right side of my heart it must pump harder to get the blood out and due to the stress of 33 years of that... the right side has gotten larger which is bad.
in 5 days i have to go in and get hooked up to a holster montiter for 24 hours to see why ive been having palpitations for the the last few years. and then i must get an mri done on my chest to get a better measure of my situation.

ive always been scared of a third surgery. and now its pretty much a given i will have to have a valve replaced.
10 years ago this wouldnt have bothered me. 10 yers ago i was single. i was fighting is MMA bouts. in fact.. in between the 2nd and 3rd round of my 3rd fight i was so gassed that i list my vision and seriously thought i might be the first death in australian mma. but i got my corner to turn me around to face my opponent. and i pulled guard amd took 5 mins of GnP just because i didnt want to quit. that example is just one of quite a few that i was proabably quite silly to keep going. but it is a good example of my mentality at the time.

now 10 years on.. i have a son...i have a wife...i have a student i teach grappling and mma. i feel like i have a lot to lose now. and im scared.

i have loved and used Jocks podcast for many reasons. the most important however is the perspective it gives.
i put myself in the shoes ( or lack there of) of the guys in the baton death march and i go " welp, i guess im actually extremely fortunatly lucky to have lived the life ive lived.
my first instinct yesterday after my cardiologist appointment was to crumble. i wanted to cry. i wanted to yell. i wanted to fight someone. i wanted to give up. but i listen to this latest podcast as i have listend to the rest and i say nope... i will keep on marching forward. i will not quit. i will go kicking and screaming.


these were my thoughts as i had my coffee this morning. not sure really why i posted them. maybe just to share my perspective. thanks for reading.

[mynewunit]

Mark you sound like and incredible man. I have doubt that is the truth. I know a few kids who have had similar surgeries and you are right. Most of them don't make it to a third decade. There was pick, and help but the thing that gets you to 30 is WILL. You have that in triplicate.
I understand the emotions. I have all of them every time my fit bit battery dies. I definitely would have them if I was looking at an operation with a rib spreader.
The question I would ask is how should I handle this surgery now that I am a dad and a husband.
3 thoughts. Number 1. Share the experience. Tell your wife and son that this is scary. You wish you didn't need to do this. You are feeling sick and you want to feel better. You trust the doctors, ask good questions and make a good decisions.
Number 2. Train your replacement. Give your circle a heads up. Plan for every feasible outcome. Who fills in at work, home and elsewhere? Prep them for good and bad. Let them know what you see in them, that you appreciate them, that you are thankful for having them in your life.
Number 3. You shouldn't be here. Everyday is a gift. I know it us hard to think that when you are hurting, tired, sick, frustrated and bored. Insight from others can help provide perspective. You must understand that life isn't fair. And while most people should assume they have years let, you are already in the red. That doesn't mean I don't expect you to outlast me. Just take moments. Enjoy them. Writing checks to pay bills. Washing dishes. Cleaning up. Norman Lear has a phrase "this too I get to experience". Have that thought.

Do Good and be well, Mark.
Oss