Ineffective, Insecure Female Leaders & Bullying

[Ranita]

Jocko & Fellow Leaders, 

RE: 47: HOW TO OVERCOME SET-BACKS AT WORK, MMA FIGHTERS VS. SEALS, PREP VS. WINGING IT, RITUALS FOR MINDSET, BJJ GYM LOYALTY.
0:32:11 – Advice for people with Poor/ineffective leaders.

I am a confident female that frequently gets pushed to the leadership role in groups.  The issue that continually resurfaces is the bullying by female "leaders" out of their insecurities.  By these female "leaders," I mean that they have a title (boss, supervisor, manager, etc) but are ineffective or marginally competent in their roles, so not unlike nature, the group seeks that leadership from another in the group.  As much as I take the recommended indirect approaches offered in the podcast and make it my mission to make these "leaders" look good, I am bullied, punished, fired, etc regardless.  Though the team does not agree with those actions nor are they morally or ethically upright, the consequences are real.  I do not see this pattern with ineffective or weak male "leaders" I have worked with.

What can I be doing differently?  I feel that ineffective female leaders tend to be bullies more often and to a much quicker, severe degree than males in those roles perhaps because they are more insecure.  I work in nursing and the majority or colleagues - over 98% - are female.  Do you have advice regarding ineffective female "leaders" for female leaders?

Thank you in advance for your responses.

[mynewunit]

I work in an industry where promotions tend to come from doing your job well, not specifically leadership abilities.  In my industry, women leaders get to their position because of a specific skill set like having high levels of organization. Obviously, that is a great trait but not a leadership skill.  Having 2 daughters, female relationships are very complicated, and easily disturbed by changes.

So, What do you do? Nursing is almost a mix of 2 jobs. There is the care portion and the processing portion.  There are lots of channels to keep up on Nursing and health care research and best practices. Internal work place structure dictates the processing part of the job. So, you seek out American Nursing Association, or similar in you neighborhood and develop the care portion of the job.  
The processing portion of your job, first don't be a problem. Do your work well, on time, complete.  Don't be on the audit/penalty/screw up list.  Keep up your charts, rx logs, supplies.  You aren't too good to make beds, sweep up, file charts, etc.  Be humble.

When you get pushed into leadership roles, it sounds like you might be a fall guy.  If the troopers are annoyed and they delegate someone to go up the chain of command, that is a fall guy.  If the troopers have a complaint or are questioning leadership, be a Liaison. You take the question to leadership. But take it to them as "How do I explain the new process to my coworkers?  What is the intent, important factors, the benefits."  

Indirect leadership might make you suspect.  It is literally an ulterior motive. You have to be transparent first.

Summary: Be transparent, Be humble, Don't be a problem, always getting better. Try this thought process for a while. Then reevaluate.    

[Ranita]

Jocko: Thanks for the reply.  Though I read your response right away, I wanted to reflect upon it.  I do think that I at times am pushed to be the fall guy by my manager and I can do more to reach further up the chain of command sooner and still be respectful of the order.  At times our leaders in healthcare organizations are bound to pressures and bullying from their superiors and they pass it down the chain.  I will work to ensure I either: 1) do not follow suit or 2)find a better matched organization for my code of conduct and ethics.

On a separate note, I have wanted my husband to train BJJ with me and since listening to your podcast, he has consented.  Thanks for the extra push of encouragement!

[mynewunit]

Ranita, Thanks for checking in. First. I am not Jocko, just another trooper.
Second, you are right about pressures in the healthcare field. Deadlines and dollar signs are treated as important as vital signs. And pushing/bullying/yelling/demanding more from someone will yield a short term increase in productivity. Keep up the GOOD work.

And you husband sounds like a good guy. He should be rewarded for "submitting" to his wife.

[malectic]

I have a question that doesn't follow what has been discussed with in the previous posts but has to do with an ineffective female leader. I report to a female manager, who in preparation for my annual job review provides me with a questionnaire to complete and return to her prior to the actual review. Most of the questions are based on my performance but also in that questionnaire is a question asked to me to provide feedback on her performance and what is my opinion of how she performs?  I don't feel that question is appropriate to MY job review and struggle answering the question honestly or at all! In my opinion, the job review is based on my performance and not hers and my opinion of her performance shouldn't have any bearing on the results of MY job review which ultimately could have an effect on my wages and bonus.

Any guidance you can provide on how I should answer the question or deflect it back to her is greatly appreciated. Please advise

[mynewunit]

Extreme Ownership says there are no bad teams only bad leaders. Leaders can definitely impact your performance.
Does your leader give you an impression of your piece or place in the team?
Does your leader show you how to succeed in the team, company, industry?
Does you leader provide valid instruction and training for your position or role?
Does you leader provide feedback, correction or areas for you to improve?
Does your leader communicate milestones of success to you and the team?
Is your leader grooming their replacement?
Is your leader grooming you for your next position and someone to replace you in your position?

That Being Said. . . . Your feelings that anything you say will have impact on your leader's opinion of you, Could Be Totally Correct. My boss is awesome and he loves this type of feedback. He wants to know what we thinking about. Where we see our selves in the team. Where we want to go. What we like. What we don't like. My boss could get fired by me and we wouldn't cancel our dinner plans together for the following week.

If you think that providing valid feedback to your leader will have a negative feedback on you and your path in the company, have 2 conversations. One with a mentor. Someone with experience, who wants the company to succeed, cares you, but not in judgment of you.  Ask them about your leader and how to handle the question? Get an example of a good response.
After that conversation and some insight, have a conversation with your leader.  Ask what the purpose of the questions is? Ask if it is part of your appraisal or theirs? Asks who else sees the comments?

My guess is that it is a way to get you to acknowledge something about you or your team without judging yourself. Like the interview question "what is your greatest weakness?" If you think your leader is unorganized, they will have you make a spreadsheet of tasks, deadlines, and milestones.  If your leader needs to motivate the team, they have you come up with a reward for performance? 

[thor608]

Thanks mynewunit, I will need to make sure that she has the best interest of the team in mind! I like the advise on utilizing a mentor to provide some guidance.

Thanks again