Teaching kids to be resilient and avoid verbal bullying

[tennesseedad]

Hi there! My fifth grader is just starting to experience verbal bullying from boys to the point she's brought it up with me, asking for advice on defusing it.  My basic advice was along the lines of:

• Recognize these kids are operating from a position of insecurity; that can help you not take it personally
• Build out your friend and ally network by out-socializing the kids
• Get tougher to the point where kids pick an easier target
• Don't change things about yourself in an effort to appease bullies because it won't work
• Learn to tease and be teased without taking offense - as an only child she doesn't get much practice with 'safe' teasing
• Disrespectful people don't deserve your respect or support; feel free to ice them out

I've got the Warrior Kid book (I read it last year) and I'm gonna push it on her, even though the unreleased WWK2 seems like it might be more directly applicable.

She's an only child, top-of-her-class smart, an active dancer, and extremely eager to please. I'm not sure she needs to go right to BJJ here (and I'm not sure how we'd fit it in, honestly), but surely some help building social confidence, friendships, and emotional resilience is in order. I'm thinking of encouraging more team sports (she's dialed that back in the past year) and general fitness work - she's never really taken a shine to that like she has her dance training.

Anyone got good past experiences to share here? I'm not the best role model socially, though I am at least athletic enough to project confidence in most situations. People generally don't mess with me, but I'm bigger than most and my kid won't be.

Thanks in advance for any suggestions.

[mynewunit]

Mine is a fifth grader. She started getting manipulated in 4th grade. Being a Jocko disciple, I did the Jocko Answer = Jiu-Jitsu. Obviously Jiu-Jitsu takes a while to have any effect. She has been in for about 1 year now and she has begun to have some confidence and success in BJJ.

The more immediate thing I did, was get her some time with her friends. A few play dates and a few breakfast dates with dad and shopping trips with mom and they can gain some perspective.

One problem is that the word bullying is everywhere. Explaining to the kids that we all had to deal with that doesn't help. What does help is getting the kids to talk about it with other wise adults. Tell her to talk to her teacher, Sunday school teacher, dance coach, mom, grandma, Jocko, and whoever you trust for wisdom. Get her focused on solutions. Talking with these people will let her know that this happens and doesn't have to be a secret.
The first thing to teach her is exit. If someone is ever crossing a line with you, you can leave. There is no situation you can't separate from. Walk yourself out of the room. There are repercussions. She will have to handle those when they come.
If they don't let you leave, and it raises to a physical confrontation, then the rules change again.