Starting BJJ as a woman

[Alina]

Hi guys! I’ve a silly question, I did a few years of Taekwondo as a child and loved it! I’ve always loved martial arts. A couple of years ago I started practicing BJJ but felt so awkward, not bc it was all guys and I was the only girl, but bc there was so much comradery that I felt like I didn’t belong. Also, when we had to practice and roll I felt like nobody wanted to roll with me, like nobody wanted to get stuck with the rookie. Eventually I felt so uncomfortable that I put it off for when I felt more confident. The guys were super nice to me though and the instructor seemed excited to have a girl in the class. Any tips on how to overcome that awkwardness? Thanks a lot!!!!

[drann]

I am one of two women who train regularly. When I started there were four or 5. I am now frequently the only woman.
I have been about 2 years with my guys. I am close to my guys and my coach. I love them like family. My guys love that I am tough and take getting after it kinda seriously, although we have a ton of fun! They seem to like that I enjoy competing and are forever helping me get better, especially when tournament time starts rolling around. Right now I am getting ready for worlds and my upper bely guys are right there with me in training..challenging me and helping me improve, to bring out the best.

That said, these relationships take time to build. Over time you develop trust and loyalty.
The only advice I have for you is to keep showing up. Keep talking, asking questions for learning and personal.
Keep showing interest in them and what they have to offer.
Men a fixers by nature. Asking them for help will build bonds quickly.

For me there was no awkwardness.My family is predominantly men so I am used to that. The awkwardness comes from within you. If you see yourself and everyone else as a practitioners/students and not a woman/men you will have a much easier time.

Just go get after it!

[Sara]

The Feels Advice:
It will be awkward, it will be so awkward for awhile, and then it will be home and then you will go visit a new gym and it will be awkward and then it will be like being home in 20 minutes and so it will go. Jiu Jitsu is awkward for everyone at first, no matter their gender-Jiu Jitsu has an incredibly steep learning curve, and that's what makes it awkward, you feel so uninformed, so incompetent- the added being the only woman awkwardness is also real my sister on the mats. But it will go away if you keep going. It was awkward when you walked into high school for the first time but by the time you left a short few years later you might have felt like you never knew any other place, maybe those first few dates with the love of your life were cringey and scary and now there is nothing you can't tell them or do in front of them. I promise it is worth challenging yourself, especially as adult. Some people may not want to roll with you at the beginning because...you are a beginner and they don't know how to throttle their rolls to beginners yet themselves. And sure, maybe there will be some guy who doesnt want to roll with you because "you are a girl" but I highly doubt that will be the case, and if so, believe me you don't want to roll with him either. You will find your tribe, and you will become stronger and more confident because of Jiu Jitsu if you stick with it. It will make you mentally and physically tougher than you ever imagined possible. And so you must keep doing it-we need more women on the mats.

The Action Advice:
This may seem silly, but it was important to me-Get a gi that fits your body and that you love. Get rashguards and spats you are comfortable in. It will be a little more expensive that some basic one you find on Amazon. If you make yourself feel comfortable and get excited about your new gi and wearing it to class thats a happy thing.

Reach out online to other women in your area, PLEASE check out a Girls In Gis event (http://www.girls-in-gis.com/) and their website, I went to their event and it was a mind-blown moment. There are more of us, we want women our size to spar with no matter our belt level. Find us.

Travel to other gyms after you've been at it for a few months. Go to open mats outside of your own gym. At first it will be too overwhelming, but this will be a valuable and important part of your growth in Jiu Jitsu. And you may meet some lady-sparring partners who you can hit up more open mats with.

Find some pro women whose style you really like, watch their videos, follow them on instagram-even if you are the only woman at your gym, these women can be virtual mentors through watching their videos and absorbing their styles. Go to their seminars if you can. Look up Claudia Do Val, Ffion Davies, Gezary Matuda etc

Make a promise to yourself that you will be welcoming, accommodating and otherwise a good buddy to any woman that walks into your gym for the first time. If those women have a great first few experiences because of you maybe 2/15 will continue on and 1/15 will be become your best training partner for life.

Do not let yourself quit because it is smelly, hot, awkward, hard, confusing, filled with men and full of weird rules about belt washing and bowing. Quit if it doesnt bring you joy in a year. Give it time. If you aren't maniacally laughing when your coach catches you in some crazy-ass submission after a few months or smiling like a fool after class in a few months, honestly, it may not be your thing-I've seen so many, many people come and go. This is not a sport for everyone, but I promise you if you decide it is for you it will be an incredible source of personal growth and joy.