Terrible Boss

[rubberman]

I have been working at a rubber manufacturing plant for 8 months as their chemist directly out of college. To preface I fully admit I have an extremely ad memory and I get side tracked often, but I work hard if I know what I am supposed to do. I have been given almost no guidance from my plant manager, but almost full reign over whatever I might do. Naturally I screw up a lot. I also have to work 60-70 hours a week on average including weekends because we are so short staffed. I get payed well, but adjusted for hours is average to below average on top of the stress. Rather than showing me what to do he just yells at me or makes condescending remarks about how painfully obvious the answer was the whole time. I’ve been dealing with it for a while and I’m at my breaking point. I can’t work because I am entirely focused on how absolutely anxious and furious I am on a daily basis only making the problem worse. He needs me desperately but I just don’t know if I can take it anymore. Yesterday I ripped him a new one because he was acting like I was an idiot when I knew I was right. I put him in his place and he shut up eventually, but he still is constantly just disappointed and disapproving of everything I do. I want to quit but I promised him two years and I also took a relocation package that I have to pay in full if I resign before the two year mark. I was promised free weekends most of the time and a wealth of experience and I feel like all I have gotten is more confused and anxious with no time to make new friends in the place I moved. I desperately need help and I just don’t know what to do. The people here just put up with it and I know soon here I am going to snap and just reem him out which I would rather not do considering I could lose my job.

[mynewunit]

First thing to acknowledge is, at no time did anyone around you take a class on hpw to manage brand new chemists in high stress situations. If they are normal people, they aren't thinking about any of this from your point of view. They are comparing your behavior to the guy you replaced and what they expect from a new guy.
Next, ask for help. If you aren't hearing no, you should be asking for more help.

There are too many variables to evaluate. It feels like you are doing many good things. To make a big jump in the right direction you need either a coach or a mentor. You need someone who knows what matters and what doesn't. One possibility is someone who has a decade in a similar position. Retired, at another company, formerly of your company. The second option is an NCO. Look for the person who has been grinding for 10 to 20 years who knows the business, the people in the company and the key points of your job.
Even while you look for and work with a mentor, you can be teaching your boss how to get the best out of you. This is going to come from improving your communication. A daily check in is a great tool for this. Just establish 2 or 3 points to check up on each day. What: 1. To Make the most progress on. 2. Has to get done. 3. You Need to do better. Something like that will force him to be objective and accountable for the things he focuses you on. It also gives him something to measure your performance against. Did you get the has to be done, done? Are you getting better at the, need to do better? Are you making progress on the, make the most progress?
All of these things will feel forced at first. Be patient. Be humble. If he thinks they are useless, ask for his suggestions of how you will get better at your job.
Lastly, things going bad at work can take over your whole life. Carve out a little space to make another aspect of life better. Make a sacred hour everyday for something you want to do. Go to the gym, read Musashi, write in a journal, go for a walk, practice an instrument, take a class, BJJ. That little bit of success, recreation, and development can help ease the stress of work and provide perspective.
Let me know how it goes once you try some or part of this. Ask more questions.
I get it. It sucks. You can bounce back.
Rubber humor.

[rubberman]

I should have added that he was the chemist for a while before the previous plant manager died. He started out as a floor worker then got his degree after taking over the technical manager position. Unfortunately he is very high strung and that does not sit well with me. I believe he is grooming me to take over the plant manager position when he retires, but he doesn’t make time to train me like he promised initially (along with most weekends off which never happens). The problem is that there is a trait that runs in my family that is highly resistant to authority when we think it’s unjust. My dad went to West Point and screamed in commanding officers faces when he knew they were wrong forcing them to stand down. My grandpa kicked a nun in the shins after she slapped him with a ruler (lol). Even my mothers side of the family is resistive. We all do well because we speak our mind and we’re not idiots, but it’s doesnt work well with my manager. We just end up getting in arguments and he will never admit he is wrong because of his ego. Outside of work we get along great.

That being said I’ve just started working out again and I have more drive than ever. Went for an hour workout last night after 15 hour day then passed out. It felt great. I’ve got a few people in corporate and in the other plants that I have a great deal of respect for and I look to them for guidance quite often. My boss is out of town today and I’m going to take that time to go through some of The strategies I heard of off of the Jocko Podcast. I’m very disorganized and my time management is poor at best. I will use today to reflect on what my schedule should look like, my priorities, and create a document outlining the thing I need to check everyday to stay ahead and out of the line of fire. Every time he yells at me for something I’ll extend the list and hopefully I’ll get to the point where it’s a rare occurrence at best. I appreciate the guidance and I’ll keep chugging along for the time being.

Also that was a pretty fantastic play on words. Here’s another rubber related joke. “Go fix me a rubberband sandwich, and make it snappy!”

[mynewunit]

The guy who wrote the second response feels like a very different guy than the one who wrote the first response. The second guy is self aware, taking initiative, and just needs to find where to focus.

I love the family history. Mine is a little more along the line of subversive leadership. We like to make our authorities do what we want by the perfectly phased illustration of absurdity.

The are many solutions to make this whole situation better.  The problem is they are all the long game.

    The Marine solution is assimilation, become a mirror of your boss, then over time let the pieces of you divert from the mirror.

    The Football solution is to train as many as possible the individual pieces of your role so that you have a deep bench to take tasks. Then you become the manager of some tasks and performer of some tasks.

    The Prophet solution is to give deadlines.  Tell him that you will work weekends until some date in the future that will "Never happen" Like September 11, 2019, or January 2020. Once he agrees, write it on a piece of paper and tape it on the wall above your desk for all to see.

The sandwich line is much better than mine. You will get through this. It will make you tougher. Vulcanize to live long and prosper. or at least get carbon impregnated.