Depression

[silencedogood]

I am out of ideas and need some insights and/or perspective.

Here is the situation. I have been married to my wife for almost 11 years. She is wonderful, amazing, the love of my life. I could not possibly love another human being as much as I love her. That being said, she suffers from bouts of depression on a fairly regular basis. This makes me nuts. I have tried, but depression is something I just cannot understand. I have read multiple books on the subject, had conversations with her about it when she isn't depressed, listened to Tim Ferriss talk about it on multiple occasions. I just don't get it. I have never been depressed a day in my life. I do not understand how a person can wake up in the morning and choose not to be happy. She will often tell me if I did this thing, or that thing for her when she is depressed, it will help. I do it for her, I get no response. If i even knew what to own in this situation, i would own it in a second. How do I own another person's depression? Especially when I have no idea what triggered it. Even when she isn't depressed, she won't do anything for herself that may help her from getting depressed again. Won't exercise, won't take any supplements or medications consistently. The one thing she will do is slather herself in essential oils. If those were going to do anything, they would have done it by now.

So, I guess it boils down to a few questions.
What can I take ownership of in this situation? I know I can own my reactions, and I do. I try to be positive and supportive with her. But in my head i just want to scream.
How do you help someone who obviously has no interest in helping themselves? I can't bear to see her like this, but i can't make her do the things she needs to do to get better either.

Any thoughts from anyone are welcome. If i am being totally stupid about this, please tell me so. If you have been in a similar situation and can offer some guidance, please do so.

[mynewunit]

I have been there. More or less the same situation. Finally got her to go to the doctor. I went with her to our family provider and had an honest conversation. Our Dr gave advice on everything from exercise, sun exposure, st johns wort, to Prozac. The doctor made recommendations and I only helped implement her plan.
You have to make a decision as to whether you are her husband or her care giver. I always recommend professional help. You support her decision and be her advocate. You can't do that and push treatments. Obviously, do what you can to encourage healthy behaviors. But you are going to have to demonstrate them not instate them.

As for what helped my wife, exercise was a big help. The next thing was seasonal effective disorder, which was helped by tanning and trips south.

It is hard to walk the line with someone who is hurting and doesn't want to do everything to get better. Professional help and small steps.

[silencedogood]

Quick update on this.

As I really sat down and assessed this, I realized something. While I could not impose my discipline on my wife, I could let her borrow it to help her get better. I waited for an "up" day and had a conversation with her about how she would like to proceed in trying to treat her depression. She told me about a line of products that she had heard about through Facebook that a lot of people were having success with. She has tried a number of products in the past with no success because she doesn't stay on them long. I agreed to let her buy a months supply of the stuff and try it. Then, I took ownership. She has multiple doses of different products and supplements throughout the day. Every morning I get her stuff set out for her, in the proper dosages, all ready to go. I set my phone to send her reminder texts at the appointed times to take her stuff. When I get home, I check to make sure she has taken her stuff and if she hasn't, I give her time to do it right then. We are over a month in and the turn around has been amazing. She has been consistently taking the stuff and I can only recall one bout of depression that was actually my fault because I wasn't paying attention.

Discipline does indeed equal freedom

[mynewunit]

Awesome. So glad you have taken responsibility for controlling what you can control. This is a great manifestation of Extreme Ownership.
Very good example of how we can help others help themselves.