Post by And on Jan 8, 2019 23:24:38 GMT -8
Hello blog peeps,
Ok, I've been listening to this blog for a while now and I just wanted to clarify something: Independance in relationships.
It sounds like a good idea in theory, BUT:
1. its a natural instinct for people who are in love to get a *boost* from seeing the other person. nothing wrong with that.
2. most people, you say you like being independant, they're either thinking hookup, or not serious...its something most people struggle with. How to have a deep bond and yet somehow be ok with extreme separations. Not saying its impossible bc its been happening since time immemorial - its not a new thing, in fact nowadays its better than ever before so stop complaining.
3. This is not a girl or guy thing (no I'm not counting the people who's partners steal their credit cards - that a whole other thing, im not even going to address that really, there's no accounting for sheer dumbassery, enjoy the divorce, ps, you'll be less hot after it. just a fact.) - i've known both genders who struggle with this.
4. I think people like thinking its a girl thing because girls tend to be nicer - for any females out there: I guarantee you, if you notice a guy is developing feelings for you and then give him an "independance" speech - you will have one pissed off male. If you've never encountered this - try it with caution, if you really must. But take my word for it its true.
For any guys who think that's not a thing...ahem... it is. All is fair in love and...you get it. No, I'm not telling anyone to go out and purposefully be cruel, I'm just saying turn around is fair play. If anyone tried that speech with me, I'd have fun with it.
5. How do we develop more of a focus on what feels right for each couple, rather then an overblown focus on perception?
Because, bear with me, I find people are always far too interested in really "getting" other people relationships when that's neither feasible nor possible. For instance, if I walk into a room, like a bar, or an event, etc. it takes me just a few seconds to figure out who I would like to talk to, flirt with, or more. It usually takes a few seconds to figure out if I'm open to the possibility of more with an individual right after I meet them. Its simple, its easy. And yet, a lot of times I find people are surprised or down right offended by this. And it causes a host of issues or misunderstands. Its like everyone feel offended by the fact that I am not automatically on neutral with everyone and waiting to be convinced.
Why? Because I'd like to point out, its a good thing usually to know what you're likely to mesh well with and what you're not. You can work on communication but you can't work on instincts and we do not all have the same instincts. I might enjoy talking to someone and sharing ideas and working together but I would never consider dating them. To me, I see it as a fit situation, and generally advise people to find their right fit. But to most people, its an insult.
I can't help but wonder how many bad experiences and self esteem issues might be avoided if maybe more people stopped thinking that way. Your esteem has nothing to do with a particular person liking you. It should be based on your accomplishments, your ability to make the best of yourself, your own traits. Basically its internal, not external.
And in the context of point #1...you get a lot more of a *boost* when you try to build intimate relationships with people on the same wave length then ppl who are neutral about you. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that trying to fit relationships into "convention" just about kills everyone's sense of adventure.
Also, I think developing that kind of frame work will lead to a lot less unnecesary drama. And for anyone thinking its not fair to try to frame anything...commercials, photoshop, valentines day, marriage...its already out there. The trick is being able to sort through the noise and find the things that actually work. Rather then just blindly following "the rules".
I told someone I would never date anyone who held certain beliefs (which shall remain unnamed at the moment) and if I even suspected they might have them that would be the first question I ask before even committing to a date. Their face fell. Apparently, that's ... rude? I'm sorry, its my life, right? My happiness, my time, my body and my future. Who is their right mind would want to waste time by NOT asking that. What is this obsessive fear of asking questions and just getting to know that person? Were you hoping to convince them to be a different person via the great wisdom of your body parts? Why?! There's not enough people you might actually like as they are? did we run out of compatible parts at some point and I missed it?
Yes, the story was based on a real story. They did ask me out, I did ask, I didn't like the answer and then I said no to the date. Who cares? If that happens to you, you should not care. This is not something to waste emotions on. What for? Did you run out of people?
You don't have a deep bond before a first date. There's nothing to damage. Just say, "you know, I don't think we'd work out long term and I take dating seriously". Hell, say nothing and just go with "ill think about it". Apply as much tact as you need to, really, but there's nothing wrong with cutting things short when you know its a "no". They'll forget about it and move on in a week. Its far better than getting married and then divorcing for "irreconcilable differences"... no?
To be fair I do tend to be in a very tiny minority ... (I did call a pot dealer "Sweetheart" once. Totally deserved. He said guys get concussions in sports bc they're pussies. I was trying to have an intelligent conversation about helmet engineering - we went to the moon, and have NASA mattresses but we cannot engineer a better way to prevent momentum based injuries/concussions? Seriously? No, that's not a thing. Its just not. Its momentum, it can be calculated. We have tech we didn't have 50 years ago. It can be done, if anyone CARES enough to get to it. This may also apply to military helmets btw...any helmets really. You just need the right combination of materials to counter act the momentum force. He said they're just pussies. I gave him a long look up and down his pudgy frame and said "oh...sweetheart" and then walked away to continue the conversation he disrupted. I had a little crowd going at that point. *true bar tales volume 1*.) ...BUT, should I be? Should I be the minority, or are these good points?
**any females that want to know how to make guys regret their independence... I'm here for you. Because there's few things more fun in life then that. And we need more of the good fun and less of the stupid fun. You can make almost anything fun btw, even actual separations. Especially if they're necessary. Or turning down dates. You should practice looking at people and trying to pick out potentials, its fun. You should call random creepy dudes sweetheart. Basically, life gets a lot more enjoyable when you stop letting anyone else tell you what you can and can't do.
Ok, I've been listening to this blog for a while now and I just wanted to clarify something: Independance in relationships.
It sounds like a good idea in theory, BUT:
1. its a natural instinct for people who are in love to get a *boost* from seeing the other person. nothing wrong with that.
2. most people, you say you like being independant, they're either thinking hookup, or not serious...its something most people struggle with. How to have a deep bond and yet somehow be ok with extreme separations. Not saying its impossible bc its been happening since time immemorial - its not a new thing, in fact nowadays its better than ever before so stop complaining.
3. This is not a girl or guy thing (no I'm not counting the people who's partners steal their credit cards - that a whole other thing, im not even going to address that really, there's no accounting for sheer dumbassery, enjoy the divorce, ps, you'll be less hot after it. just a fact.) - i've known both genders who struggle with this.
4. I think people like thinking its a girl thing because girls tend to be nicer - for any females out there: I guarantee you, if you notice a guy is developing feelings for you and then give him an "independance" speech - you will have one pissed off male. If you've never encountered this - try it with caution, if you really must. But take my word for it its true.
For any guys who think that's not a thing...ahem... it is. All is fair in love and...you get it. No, I'm not telling anyone to go out and purposefully be cruel, I'm just saying turn around is fair play. If anyone tried that speech with me, I'd have fun with it.
5. How do we develop more of a focus on what feels right for each couple, rather then an overblown focus on perception?
Because, bear with me, I find people are always far too interested in really "getting" other people relationships when that's neither feasible nor possible. For instance, if I walk into a room, like a bar, or an event, etc. it takes me just a few seconds to figure out who I would like to talk to, flirt with, or more. It usually takes a few seconds to figure out if I'm open to the possibility of more with an individual right after I meet them. Its simple, its easy. And yet, a lot of times I find people are surprised or down right offended by this. And it causes a host of issues or misunderstands. Its like everyone feel offended by the fact that I am not automatically on neutral with everyone and waiting to be convinced.
Why? Because I'd like to point out, its a good thing usually to know what you're likely to mesh well with and what you're not. You can work on communication but you can't work on instincts and we do not all have the same instincts. I might enjoy talking to someone and sharing ideas and working together but I would never consider dating them. To me, I see it as a fit situation, and generally advise people to find their right fit. But to most people, its an insult.
I can't help but wonder how many bad experiences and self esteem issues might be avoided if maybe more people stopped thinking that way. Your esteem has nothing to do with a particular person liking you. It should be based on your accomplishments, your ability to make the best of yourself, your own traits. Basically its internal, not external.
And in the context of point #1...you get a lot more of a *boost* when you try to build intimate relationships with people on the same wave length then ppl who are neutral about you. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that trying to fit relationships into "convention" just about kills everyone's sense of adventure.
Also, I think developing that kind of frame work will lead to a lot less unnecesary drama. And for anyone thinking its not fair to try to frame anything...commercials, photoshop, valentines day, marriage...its already out there. The trick is being able to sort through the noise and find the things that actually work. Rather then just blindly following "the rules".
I told someone I would never date anyone who held certain beliefs (which shall remain unnamed at the moment) and if I even suspected they might have them that would be the first question I ask before even committing to a date. Their face fell. Apparently, that's ... rude? I'm sorry, its my life, right? My happiness, my time, my body and my future. Who is their right mind would want to waste time by NOT asking that. What is this obsessive fear of asking questions and just getting to know that person? Were you hoping to convince them to be a different person via the great wisdom of your body parts? Why?! There's not enough people you might actually like as they are? did we run out of compatible parts at some point and I missed it?
Yes, the story was based on a real story. They did ask me out, I did ask, I didn't like the answer and then I said no to the date. Who cares? If that happens to you, you should not care. This is not something to waste emotions on. What for? Did you run out of people?
You don't have a deep bond before a first date. There's nothing to damage. Just say, "you know, I don't think we'd work out long term and I take dating seriously". Hell, say nothing and just go with "ill think about it". Apply as much tact as you need to, really, but there's nothing wrong with cutting things short when you know its a "no". They'll forget about it and move on in a week. Its far better than getting married and then divorcing for "irreconcilable differences"... no?
To be fair I do tend to be in a very tiny minority ... (I did call a pot dealer "Sweetheart" once. Totally deserved. He said guys get concussions in sports bc they're pussies. I was trying to have an intelligent conversation about helmet engineering - we went to the moon, and have NASA mattresses but we cannot engineer a better way to prevent momentum based injuries/concussions? Seriously? No, that's not a thing. Its just not. Its momentum, it can be calculated. We have tech we didn't have 50 years ago. It can be done, if anyone CARES enough to get to it. This may also apply to military helmets btw...any helmets really. You just need the right combination of materials to counter act the momentum force. He said they're just pussies. I gave him a long look up and down his pudgy frame and said "oh...sweetheart" and then walked away to continue the conversation he disrupted. I had a little crowd going at that point. *true bar tales volume 1*.) ...BUT, should I be? Should I be the minority, or are these good points?
**any females that want to know how to make guys regret their independence... I'm here for you. Because there's few things more fun in life then that. And we need more of the good fun and less of the stupid fun. You can make almost anything fun btw, even actual separations. Especially if they're necessary. Or turning down dates. You should practice looking at people and trying to pick out potentials, its fun. You should call random creepy dudes sweetheart. Basically, life gets a lot more enjoyable when you stop letting anyone else tell you what you can and can't do.
