Advice For Women Leading Men

[christineheaton]

Good People,

What are your recommendations for women to lead men effectively?

I believe men and women are very different from biological and cultural standpoints and think that, in general, men should lead.

Sometimes I feel at odds with my belief that men should lead, because I am a supervisor at my job and lead five small teams comprising about 30 people, most of whom are young men aged 18-30.

How do I lead effectively without coming off as a b**** or being too soft. My boss is always challenging me to become an iron fist, but I tend toward being conciliatory and analytical.

I’ve struggled in the past to feel confident giving directives to my team, the men in particular.

I guess I want to know what men want and expect from their women leaders. Also, if you could point me to women leaders you respect that I could emulate, that would also be helpful.

I got a lot out of listening to Jocko’s interview of Iris Gardner on the podcast and am seeking more examples like her to copy in my own life.

-Christine
Lift Operations Supervisor

[mynewunit]

Iris is awesome and is generally pretty responsive on twitter. I know she is selling her farm as part of some family "mission" change, so she might be a little busy and take a while to respond. 
Twitter Iris

Here is a similar thread from another woman leader.  Staff accountability Thread

The next part is harder. Can women lead men? Sure. Is it different than leading other women? Jocko was once asked this and he said it wasn't a factor. . . . . . . . because every human is different. 
Now the real question. How do you lead your teams of 6? 
  Element 1: Know your people. Take care of your people. - This means knowing what people's interests and strengths are. Who arrives early and stays late? Who responds better to instructions in an email and who responds better to face to face? 
  Element 2: Demonstrate the behaviors you want from the team. Ask a lot of yourself, before asking of others. Help them see the art of working on the team. Show them where you are going tomorrow, year out, 10 years out.
  Element 3: Lead at every level. Who are you training to take your job? What tasks or insights are you giving them to demonstrate themselves? Who is going to take their job? Where do they need to improve?
  Element 4: Be transparent. Tell your team leaders to ask more of you. Tell them to let you know when you are coming across as the B****. Ask them what you need to do better, and what they need from you. Don't do their job, but do your part and then ask more of them.
  
There are a lot of little dynamics to these situations. Listen to the Jocko podcast on Chesty Puller to hear how he was firm and forgiving. Podcast 121 Thread. 
I would try to work on your confidence. I bet you have something in your mind that you have wanted to do for years but haven't, skydiving, cross-fit, Europe trip. Something like that might help the confidence.
Another way you could change your dynamic is with some physical cues. Things like weight lifting, no real weight lifting. 3 rep sets of dead lift, squat, overhead press, per the Starting Strength Novice Progression will add some real weight to your lifts, a few lbs to your body, and can change how you look at yourself and others look at you. Another thing, that men don't think about but do react to, is your make up. If you have a routine, drop half of it and see how it changes your interactions at work. More Black on Black Audi A6, rather than chrome rims on an Escalade.

Start small. Little bit everyday. Courage, Confidence and Strength are built day by day, not found. Once you make some progress, find someone who can show you more.
Get after it, Trooper Christine.

[helgs]

Good stuff, thank you for this question and answer. I'm looking to develop into a leadership role in the next couple of years, and want to work on building my expertise but also conducting myself in the right manner.

[ellejay]

Thank you for asking this question and for the answer that followed.